Saturday, May 12, 2007
i seemed to have vanished ever since yesterday afternoon.
well, i was trying to. all i did was hide in my room. except during dinner time. i've practically skipped lunch since yesterday. and all i've done so far is to watch taiwan drama, play the piano, eat and sleep. intention: to live in my own little world.
guess what. the things that had kept my life going, seems to be disappearing. i don't want to be optimistic anymore. i have no idea why i'm always so happy and cheery no matter what happens. it's really very tiring.
but when i know that by being optimistic, i cheers people around me, i guess that's worth it. or maybe, that's what i believe in.
but i'm beginning to stop believing in what i had used to believe in.
had i really fitted in this city? i've always believed so. i thought my life was oh-so-perfect. but everything seems to be failing. mid-years are really very screwed. what is the point of being below average?
and i just don't belong anywhere here. all of the people i've met are great. really great. i will die without them. but i'm just different. maybe, if i start drifting from them, it wouldn't hurt that much when i leave.
i wonder if anyone actually feel left out from the family. this actually worsen the situation, doesn't it?
it's really scary how time flies. i was just looking through photos again. and memories came back to me. times when i felt blessed. times when the world revolved around me. times when i had laughed heartily. times when i was truely happy.
i can't sleep. and i can't cry too.
au revoir.
i'm really sorry claaar. for not being of any help. that's why i detest myself.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
1:01 PM